Drinking and Driving: Why Teens Do It

Ara is a 16-year-old from Edmonds, WA. She enjoys blogging, spending time with her family and hopes to somehow incorporate her passion of writing into what she does in the future.

Vanessa: What are some current statistics on teens drinking and driving?

• According to the National Traffic Safety Administration and the National Center for Statistics and Analysis, 31% of all 15 to 20 year olds had been drinking when killed in a car accident, and 25% of them were alcohol impaired. (http://www.aboutdwi.com)
• The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports twenty-three percent of teenage drivers in fatal car crashes possessed a blood-alcohol concentration (BAC) level above the legal limit of .08 on the breathalyzer test (http://www.aboutdwi.com)
• Car crashes are the leading cause of death for teens and one out of three of those is alcohol related. (http://MADD.org)

Vanessa: In what circumstances do teens usually drink and drive?

Teenager drunk-driving is usually the most prevalent after parties or social events involving alcohol and groups of friends. Under circumstances like these, it is more likely for teens to drink and drive for a few reasons. The first one being that they see others around them or at the party driving home drunk or they’ve heard about other people driving drunk and making it home safely and so they assume that there’s no harm in doing it too. Also, a lot of teens go to parties without parents knowing, and then they proceed to get drunk and are too afraid to call home and ask for a ride for fear of the consequences.

Vanessa: What can parents do to prevent their teens from drinking and driving?

Be connected with your teen. Research has shown that the number one reason teens refuse to drink alcohol is that they worry about what their parents will think of them (stanfordhospital.org). By being involved and doing little things like checking up on your teen and letting them know you truly do care about their safety, you can help prevent them from drunk driving. Also, it is a good idea to have your teen lay out before hand where exactly they are going, the details (such as who’s going to being there and how they are going to get home), that way you can set up a plan, such as agreeing to meet them when they come in and have a conversation with them, that way they will be less inclined to drink and drive. Lastly, make sure that you let them know that they should not be afraid to give you a call and ask for a ride if they do end up making a mistake and drinking.

Vanessa: What should parents do if they catch their teens drinking and driving?

First of all, all though this one seems obvious, educate them on drunk driving and the consequences that come along with it; give them materials and show them examples and scenarios of how they could have possibly fatally impacted their life or somebody else’s. In addition, remind them that you have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to the illegal use of alcohol. Lastly, do not let them off the hook. Make sure that you work out some sort of punishment or consequence with your teen (this one is unique to how you parent so it is important to work out something that will work for your teenager since you know them best) to show them that what they did was not right at all and that they should never repeat their actions.

Four Tips for Vacationing with Teens

Ara is a 16-year-old from Edmonds, WA. She enjoys blogging, spending time with her family and hopes to somehow incorporate her passion of writing into what she does in the future.

Parents often cringe at the thought of vacationing with teens, for multiple reasons. But, contrary to popular belief, most teens actually like spending time with family. Just like parents, teens want to make vacationing with their family as stress free as possible. That’s the point of a vacation anyway, right? With spring break just around the corner and summer fast approaching, it is helpful to keep in mind ways to help accomplish this.

1. Decide on a place that the whole family agrees on, including your teen. Although this may seem like a daunting task, it is definitely possible. It is helpful to talk to your teens and find out what they would be interested in doing on a vacation and what sort of locations would be ideal to them, along with taking into consideration yours and the rest of the family’s opinions.

2. Give them their space. Giving your teen their space is extremely important, especially because on a lot of vacations parents and teens share a room together in a hotel or lodge. Therefore, entire families are together almost 24/7. Allow your teen some time to relax by themselves in the hotel room or keep an eye on them as they explore the location.

3. Consider letting them bring a friend. It is an easy solution to ensure they have fun without being too cost-prohibitive.

4. Plan to do things that they are interested in also. Taking scuba diving lessons? Swimming? Camping? Get your teens’ input on what they would like to do also—after all, it’s their vacation too!

Overall, just try to relax and enjoy yourselves. Vacations are meant to be a time away from work, school and other stressful factors— so have fun and don’t over-plan or worry about it too much!

Why Parents Shouldn’t Interfere With Their Child’s Dream

Ashley is a 17 year old from Torrance, CA with unique curly hair. She loves writing poetry, trying new experiences, eating spicy food, socializing, listening to music, and giving advice.

All teens and tweens have a dream they want to pursue in their lives. These include wanting to be a doctor, a singer, an actor, a psychiatrist, or anything at all. People say, “follow your dreams”, but what if someone or something is preventing you from pursuing those dreams? The most common answer to this is parents,our providers. These types of parents vary. Some of these parents are very cultural, very caring, or just plain controlling (such as the cultural parents of Justin and the caring mother of 

The parents of many teens and tweens are interfering in their dreams and negating them. There are many reasons as to why these parents are doing this.

In my opinion, parents tend to interfere with their child’s dreams, negate them, or even force them to pursue something else because:

1. They believe that the career they have in mind for their teen/tween is the best option for him/her.

2. They want their teen/ tween to carry on the legacy of acquiring a career that has been a tradition in their family for years. (These types of parents are usually very cultural).

3. They want their teen/tween to involve themselves in careers that are common in their culture. (Such as Justin’s Persian parents in the True Life episode, who want him to be a doctor, a common career in the Persian culture).

4. They personally don’t like the career their teen/ tween is choosing to acquire in the future.

5. They don’t believe that their teen/tween’s desired career will get them far in life.

6. They believe that their teen/tween’s dream career will not sustain them in the future financially.

7. They feel that the way the economy is today will make it hard for their teen/tween to find a position in their desired career in the near future. (Like Carlos’ mother in the True Life episode, who knows that Carlos’ dream of becoming a DJ is not likely to happen due to how tough it is to be involved in the music industry in today’s competitive and economically unstable world).

8. They believe their teen/tween is capable of acquiring a more rigorous and professional career.

In my eyes, these are the 8 most common reasons why parents interfere with their teen/tween’s dream. Many parents interfere because they want what’s best for their teen/tween. Other parents force their teen/tween to change their desired career through demand. These parents need to take a different approach. An approach that involves letting their teen/tween pursue their dream and not forcing them to acquire a different career.

Parents shouldn’t force their teen/tween to acquire a different career because:

1. It is not right for a parent to take their teen/tween’s dream away from him/her.

2. It is not right for a parent to make a decision that their teen/tween should make themselves.

3. It is not right for a parent to make a decision that will affect their teen/tween’s future.

4. It is not right for a parent to make decisions that could alter their teen/tween’s well being in the job market.

5. Their teen/ tween will be unhappy with a career that they are forced to acquire.

6. Their teen/tween will be unhappy with a career that their heart is not into. (Just like everybody else).

7. Their teen/ tween should be allowed to make their own decisions for their own future.

8. Parents shouldn’t force their teen/tween to do something he/she doesn’t want to do for the rest of their lives.

It is not right for a parent to force their teen/tween to a life they don’t want. They should allow their teen/tween to pursue any dream they want. If someone or something gets in the way of anyone’s dream, therefore not allowing them to pursue that dream, he/she will be very unhappy. Do you want to be the one to cause your teen/tween to be unhappy by getting in the way of his/her dream? Of course not! The only life that matters is your teen/ tween’s life, why get in the way of their dreams and cause them unhappiness? Let him/her endure whatever it is they desire, it is the only way that will lead him/her to living a happy life in the future.

5 Ways You Can Be A Dream Parent

Emily L is a 13-year-old from Corona, CA. She enjoys reading, writing, and swimming and her favorite subject is history because it inspires her to learn about other cultures.

For parents, creating a fully functional relationship with their teens can sometimes be rocket science. They know what they want; obedience, responsibility and mutual trust. Teens desire much of the same qualities in a relationship. The toughest separator is the way in which the relationship should be achieved, as well as many of the specifics. For example, I want my parents to be people who I can turn to with my problems, they want the same thing. I also want them to listen without judging and only give advice when asked for, which they have difficulty with. It is simple misunderstandings like this that can drive a thick wedge between you and your teen, which is why it is imperative you are sensitive toward their expectations of you.

My dream parent is someone who is caring without being pushy or forceful, supportive without getting overly involved in my personal activities. I could trust them without being forced to reveal all my secrets. Really building your dream relationship is all about balance and discovering compromises in frustrating situations. Parents should not be overbearing, yet at the same time there has to be consequences, if not, you will be taken advantage of. It’s the simple truth. My parents aren’t going to be the center of my world, far from it in fact, but they should at least play an important role in my life as superiors.

Here are some quick tips to build your dream relationship with your teen:

1)    Don’t be a hypocrite. Yelling at them while they are yelling gets you nowhere. Or, another example is if you’re always on your phone don’t complain if they are, too. Only set standards you yourself are willing to follow.

2)    If they share a problem with you, don’t judge or immediately come up with ten different ways to fix it unless your help is specifically requested. Often times simply talking it out works wonders and having too strong of an opinion on their personal lives makes them want to talk less.

3)    Be genuinely interested in the things they are, may it be fashion, video games, whatever. This provides plenty of easy conversations and builds trust.

4)    Before punishing, hear their side of the story even if you’ve already made up your mind. This makes you seem fairer and lessens the resentment toward the consequence and you.

5)    Don’t try to force your dreams on them. Nothing is worse than to have someone telling you who you should be, what career you should have and how you are going to get there. As long as their goals are realistic, support them even if you think they are making a mistake.

Your relationship with your teenager is going to be a bumpy ride with all sorts of problems along the road, but enjoy it as best as you can. Compromise should be your best friend and judging gets you nowhere. Try to discuss what they want from you and take that information into consideration. Most importantly, remember that no relationship is irreparable.

Helping Teens Take Control of Their Own Finances

Michael Costigan is a 17 – year-old from Orange County, CA. He is a social entrepreneur, public speaker, and truly enjoys helping other’s better understand teen related issues. You can follow him at www.SpeakingofMichael.com

Teaching young people the value of money is one of the hardest, but most important things a parent or teacher will ever have to do. I have found that teens tend to make the same mistakes when it comes to their personal finances almost universally. And so, I will attempt to address a few of those common issues below and offer a solution, if not, at least some suggestions, on resolving those issues.

Money can be both an empowering thing for teens – giving them independence and increased mobility – as well as a dangerous liability. The habits teens develop in respect to their personal finances will carry on into their adult lives, both the good and the bad. This is one of the many reasons it is important to understand the ins and outs of money – earning it, saving it, and spending it – before it’s too late!

1. 1.  Personal Bank Accounts, Debit Cards vs. Shared Accounts with Parents.

I am of the opinion that the age to have one’s own personal checking account sits somewhere around 13 or 14. While this may seem young, I think kids need to start feeling the experience of spending their own money (even if it isn’t all earned at the time). They need to experience the feeling of a declining balance and feel for themselves the first intuitions of budgeting. I think there are many great online programs (Mint.com being one), which teens can use to set up budgets, track expenses, and scale all the way up into their adult lives. While parents will probably initially want to set up a subsidiary account for their child off of their own checking account, I somewhat discourage this. Being able to watch what your teen spends money on is nice, but does not build financial trust. If they run out of money with a debit card, they run out of money – credit is not an issue yet.

1. 2.  Jobs, Chores, Gift Money, Parent Handouts, Grade Money = Money Sources for Teens.

While I believe earning money is the most important way to a financially successful future, there are many circumstances where teens will gain money without working for it. For example, when parents give students money for report cards (argh!), and for ‘social expenses’. The important lesson to be learned here is that money, no matter its source, should be treated the same. I’ve made this mistake and learned the hard way many times – just because you get money for something ‘on top’ of whatever earnings you already have does not mean you should go out and use it! When it comes to giving teens money, until they’re old enough to have a job (that is, 16-17, sometimes 18) there will be definite intervals at which parents will be asked for money and, in many cases, have to give their kids money. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s all about how the process is handled by the parent. However, that makes all the difference. Money should never be a hand out; money is transactional in the real world. In other words, something must be given in exchange for it. I think scaling the item, service, or action required for it should correlate directly to the age of the teen. For example, an 11 year old may be able to do services you would regularly pay for, a 17 year old may be able to take advantage of a paid internship at your office or work for you in your business.

1. 3.  Credit Cards, Student Loans, Financing Cars – Building Credit!

Seeing your teen get a credit card may be your worst nightmare, but it is an important part of growing up for them. Instilling proper values about how to treat a credit card (like trying if at all possible to pay it off every month) is definitely important. Teens should start building their credit early on because it sets them up better for car financing, student loans, and other things that could come up like unforeseen emergencies. There are many ways to build credit, and many banks and credit unions offer student cards with better APR and decent introductory offers. Even getting a credit card just to put your gas bills on every month is a good idea because then those successful repayments are reported to the major credit bureaus like Transunion, Equifax, etc. One of the most valuable lessons I have ever heard regarding credit cards is a story about how an entrepreneur I know used to paper clip cash bills to every receipt he received when using his credit card, that way when it came time to pay the bill he already had the money set aside – not a bad idea!

I hope that some of these ideas are useful in enabling your teens to become financially savvy and independent!

Bucket List For Parents: ‘Before They Leave Me’ Lists

I recently presented to a group of Moms of High School seniors. And we spoke about how to take advantage of the last few months before their child leaves for college. I wanted to write an article about “Bucket Lists for Parents” because I think this is actually a great thing for parents of all kids to do. So they can take advantage of the time before their kids leave for college.

A Bucket List for Parents is when Mom and Dad (and teen) make a list of all the things they want to do together before turning 18. Here are some ideas:

Bucket Lists for Parents:

Go river rafting

Take a trip to visit family member who lives far away

Do father-daughter or mother-son trip

Volunteer at local hospital

Make a family video history online

Clean out the garage

Organize the photo albums

Bury a time capsule

Build a space balloon

Model airplane

Invent a family cookie recipe

Go camping

Road trip to the closest state park

Go to a baseball game together

Make a life bucket list

Make homemade pizza from scratch

You can do anything you want! The idea is to build memories, get to know each other and get some great teachable moments. What would you add to your Parent Bucket List?

5 New Types of Moms….or Momikers

This post is just for fun…

We have all heard about the helicopter mom before and the girl scout leader mom and the momager for wannabe celebrity kids.  How about the new mom monikers…momikers shall we say? Here are some new types of moms I am seeing on the playground:

1) Mom CEO

The mom CEO has a 10 year plan and runs her family like a business.  I have seen these moms manage soccer snacks, dinner,  homework help and husband massage like any pro-ceo.

How you recognize a Mom CEO: Her diaper bag looks like a briefcase and family vacations have itineraries.

2)  MomMe

MomMe’s are very aware of sanctimommy time as well as kid play time.  They identify themselves as mom’s AND (they remind you constantly) individuals

How you recognize a MomMe: Goes to childless yoga and has a constantly approaches you for playdates at your house, but remind you to ‘only call the nanny as you will have your cell off.’

3) Momtrepreneur

Love you the momtrepreneurs. They are blogging, crafting, conference calling and selling all the way to through the afterschool pickup line.

How you recognize a Momtrepreneur: She gives you a business card/product card/her website after PTA.

4) UberMom (or as I have heard some say the uber boober while breast feeding)

This is the 2009 version of the helicopter mom.  Ubermoms are not nearly as obvious about hovering as helicopter mom’s were, but are the secret guiding hand behind everything their child does.

How you recognize an UberMom: You ask their child why they do gymnastics/swimming/flute/Curling and they say ‘I don’t know, ask my mom.’

5) Cosmomom

Think Carrie of Sex and the City at daycare.  Social, hip and still manages to go to the latest club opening after bedtime stories.

How you recognize a Cosmomom: Her Manolo Blaniks are one inch lower than when she was single, but her Dior Diaper bag has two shades of Channel lip gloss…park and bakesale.

I love all types of moms, and these are a bit extreme, but they seem to be the archetype moms we are seeing more and more in movies and TV shows. Do they exist in real life? I don’t know, you tell me.